Friday, February 28, 2014


Now that I'm on the road to recovery
I have taken myself out of the wash
And I am clean

I now speak at my girlfriends wellness center in NYC. I give speeches about my narcissist abusive relationship. 

When I first started speaking at this center I was amazed to find out how many "Me's" there were out there. All of us walking around in bewilderment asking the same questions I had asked myself, tormented myself about.  

I was schocked  to find out I was one in a million of wounded warriors. What was even more scarier, it was the exact same vile, hateful, statements slung unto us all. 

They to had been exposed to the verbal, mental (mind fucking) abuse I had encountered. 

I now know this is all due to the grooming process. Which insures that the victim doesn't realize that it is the "Abusers" that are the defect. 

As long as the abuser can keep you looking at yourself, they know you won't know how sick and pathetic they are.

If they can keep you in the "spin cycle"
Of pointing the finger at you, you can't see the truth about THEM!


This Blog is a compilation of me, other hairdresser's, and clinical psychologist. 
And my endless reading and studying the art of what makes us humans tick. This is what I'm reading today. These old philosophers had this all understood way back in  387 B.C


Let me share this analogy with you what my narcissist did to me.....
My narcissist cheated on me, lied to me and disrespected me and us as a couple. 
The pain and hurt he would spew unto me just horrible. But I forgave it. 
  Here's my analogy.....
My narcissist had a heart attack when we were together. That night of his heart attack I should have shown him the same respect he showed me the night he cheated on me. (Try none)
I should have said, I don't care about you, I'm not helping you and I don't respect you enough to give one rats a*** if you live or die! And walked away. 
Because that's the low class respect I got from him.... None.  A big fat nothing. 
But this wasn't an average relationship 
This was a relationship with a self-centered narc. He had no respect for me. But I was to come running for him during a major life crisis. I was the only one there for him that night, no family would come, nobody would come. I should have walked out that hospital that night and used the same ignorant words he spewed to me the day after he admitted to his night of cheating, "I'm not married to you! I'm leaving, I don't care what happens to you!" 
But no because I'm a person of character, respect, and I'm sorry to say, it makes me sick to say it, I happened to love him very much and wanted to be there for him. 
My narc would give none of this respect in return.
And this is what they do. I'm a different person now. I have more of an abrasive attitude. From here on in, anyone that disrespects  me, your getting an New York attitude! Have I had enough! 


Power infuses all relationships, but today there's a new paradigm going on. Only equal shared power creates happy individuals and satisfying marriages. This is the new principle into intimacy. Do you have a great connection, friendship? Sex, do you have a great sex life? Sex is a very, very bonding thing as a couple to share. This is both of you exposing and sharing your true selves. Your private intimacy is letting your partner know your true self. 
Yes, sex is very bonding. If your partner is not bonding with you, this  abuse, it's rape! STOP all connections with this person, walk away. 
You most likely encountered a narcissist. There is no BONDING with these characters 
It's abuse! GET OUT NOW!!! 
SEX IS A VERY DEEP INTIMACY TO BE ONLY SHARED WITH SOMEONE THAT RESPECTS, cares about you, honors, protects, and only want to share this with you!!


Discovering that someone  you love has lied to you and kept secrets feels like being hit  head on by a train. Such circumstances of the finder, the person to whom the truth is revealed. The arc of your life is altered in a minute. Suddenly your present makes no sense and the future as a couple has been shattered and impossible to picture. I will never tolerate being cheated on again. The scum bag that did cheat on me, I should have put my crown on and walked away from that piece of trash forever! But I went back and endured more abuse. May karma serve that piece of shit well! May you live in hell all all the days of your pathetic life....
Enjoy your downgrade


What may start as a simple set of secrets 
Can spread through a persons character like a cancer, one that is hard to remove
--Jane Isay


I don't care who your with
As long as your not with me!
Go terrorize someone else !!
Great couples need to be on the same intellect level
You weren't even on the same planet as me!
Praise be to Jesus 



Sometimes after a divorce we find happy endings. 
Two wonderful people meet
And two families are able to come together
Like the Brady Bunch
This is wonderful when two people meet and bring themselves and their children together to form a new family. 
To me this is a sign of a true mature adult couple
The second time around should be wonderful for everyone 
for you and your children
Some of you are just sooo self centered your not taking into consideration your a package, those kids will be in your life forever and need to be respected just like anyone else!
Is your self-centerness causing your kids to remove themselves from your life because they can't stand your knew partner?!
Then we all need to consider your mentality
And believe me.....
We are!!
A healthy mind means considering everyone's happiness after a family experienced a divorce 
Not just your own narcissist self!!
Wake up get a brain!
Find happiness where two mature adults find love and happiness for both themselves and their children!
Put yourself in your kids shoes....
AAAHHH, WOW! Is that too tuff for you?!
How would you feel as a child if your mom or dad married or moved in with someone you hated?!!
The second time around should be blending two people and their children together for happiness
This couple did and look at the sign at the wedding that was posted!

Thursday, February 27, 2014



I want my own salon again 
salon tack-over!!



"Be who you are and say what you feel
Because those who mind won't matter
And those who matter won't mind"




Sometimes to rest and be silent is a good thing
Don't speak
Rest your mind

The soul searching silence would begin for me in Lower Manhattan
All those late afternoons on that bench
In Battery Park City
World Trade One standing  tall behind me
A symbol of rebirth
Me and that building looking to fulfill the same purpose
Life goes on.....

The many late afternoons I would sit there analyzing my life and taking baby steps on moving forward. As I sat there I would come to realize there was more to life than what I had concluded. There's some kind of plan always at work. 

I would take a look around me and see the whole universe moving around me. 
Sometimes I felt like everyone else was moving and I was just standing there...

In my new life I now pay much closer attention to the world around me. Soo burned out from the toxic people and the life I had left behind. Moving away and forward was the best thing I could had ever done. 

There on that bench along the Hudson River I spent many hours, days, weeks crying it out. Releasing all that toxic pain. 
Asking myself, beating myself up, "how could I had left this happen?!" 

I'm now in control

I pay much closer attention to what shows up around me. Listening for any inclinations I might have to act accordingly on, even if it leads me into unknown territories. 

I urge all of you to do the same. Being enlightened is a wonderful thing. 

As I look back over my life I know I need to stand up and take accountability to what happened to me. Walking away, oh hell!! Running as fast as I could from these narcissist should had been my first priority. Under further examination I know why I didn't. My sweet, naive, innocent heart sees the good in everyone. These were not good people. I always had an easier time removing toxic girlfriends from my life than the toxic men. Now the change up has accord. I now realize some of these old girlfriends weren't so bad and struggling as well with life blows and traumas. 

I now have free will and choose to exert

In my hours of silence on that bench in Lower Manhattan I had time to examine 
Major life turning points and look at all the 
So-called coincidences that arose in my life to seek out changing direction. 

I longed for all the days of my life.
To be free and independent and happy. 
New York City gave me that. I just wish my boys would join me on my journey. 
And life would be perfect. 

I like whom I've become and have grown into. My boys like that I have taken a step back and don't go bar hopping anymore or date much. They see me go to work and just concentrate on my writing or some new class that I want to get involved with. 

I call this stage of my life, the enlightenment. There's soo much I want to do and discover. I don't want to be at home watching TV !!! 

I'm middle aged now and feel like half my life is over. My epiphany is to spend the second half of my life in a state of peace and tranquility.

Going skiing in Vermont, walking along a trail in Hyde Park, hanging out in a little country salon on Martha's Vineyard. Look at these people, look how simple life is for them, but happy. No drama, no chaos, no fighting,no stress. I so want to be them. 

All I want anymore is to pick a little corner in the world make it mine and work on my passions. 

Listen to the signals the Universe is throwing  you. Pay attention to your purpose your calling you have here. We all get one. If its being the best stay at home mom, a great wife as your husband runs a company, be the best salon manager, stylist, receptionist, assistant. We all have a calling. Figure out what your is and run with it. 

My life isn't over I still aspire to accomplish many things. I still have a lot of dreams. 

Listen carefully in fulfilling your highest self. Pay attention to your degree of readiness. 

Something was setting up your life details. So you can fulfill your purpose here. A purpose I know I have signed up for. Take that leap from spirit to form, from nowhere to here. 

Pay attention to your calling. Act on what your intuitive self tells you. Sharpen your insights and be willing to trust your insights and trust what your feeling inside
Because that's what your to be doing. 
Regardless of what everyone else or the Debbie downers say. 

That day on that bus ride home out of New York City when my boyfriend at the time looked at me and said, "I could never live here and if you do this I'm breaking up with you." I was soo love blind my instincts weren't in tune. 

He was definitely living up to his expectations. He couldn't posses the ability to objectively view a great life path I was trying to create. He wasn't open to being educated in a new lifestyle that I felt I had always been predestined to live. So rather than being supportive he would resist and would rather lose me and venture of to a less than lifestyle anyone would want to be a part of or entertain. 
But he is a narcissist and it was all about him, he wasn't playing. And I wasn't his mother. He was looking for that women to mother him, stroke his ego, comfort his low self esteem. 

I can see clearly now and if I would have been dating someone healthy no matter what I wanted to accomplish would have been met with support, love and respect. 

It's been a huge standout. I've been honest, expressive and told this story from the heart. 

Was all this predestined? To bring me to this one point. I now see my calling and I'm running with this. I get what I'm being educated on by this unknown force. 

This is the advantage of me adopting to a new way of thinking and a new life. 

Yes, my divorce years are filled with much heartache and stress. But if I would have never been empowered or pushed off the cliff and land free fall in New York Cities lap who knows how much more my wicked demise would had entailed. 

I can see clearly now yes the rain is starting to go away. 

I can see clearly now all your horrible mentalities. 

I have a great journey and a purpose and each step of my journey had something to teach me.

Now from where I stand over looking the Hudson River the tears come less, from this position I now stand I'm able to see more clearly how every single  encounter, every challenge, and every situation, are all threads that are the tapestry that represents and now defines my new life. 
Am I greatful for all if it?? No, I just didn't deserve that rebound relationship to take me out of the game. I deserved sooo much better. Coming out of a bad marriage I deserved to had found respect, loyalty, empathy, compassion, intelligence, maturity, protection, love. 

But this was a fork in the road I so didn't deserve or want. I've been told there are no accidents and this horrible relationship was thrown  at me for a reason. I think next time I move my checker in love it won't be towards the wrong black heart. 

My bad, I had to get involved with a narcissist and think real-life romance was like the movies. 

I've given up on love because of this experience. I'm just terrified. I just don't think it's worth it to ever give myself so deeply to anyone else. 

But maybe just maybe if the right guy comes along maybe I'll be lucky and prepared to have my heart stolen away again. The sad thing is, I don't fall in love easily and this experience has really turned my heart polar cold. Now every man that try's with me I'm suspicious of. 
I just don't trust anyone. 

Sometimes it's just good to sit in silence and dream about my rebirth into romance. World Trade One calls out to me, " come on Trace, if I'm standing here after all this horribleness you can too" 

Maybe we can give this one more try. 



I'm putting all the negative all behind me
If I don't think your going to be a positive influence on my life 
I'm done with you
Yes, I understand, good relationships have there problems 
Do YOU???
But a positive attitude,positive  affirmations and respect and good character are now my main focus in any relationship
Yes, great relationships have there problems 
But, there great because both people care enough and have respect for the other persons well being to make it work. 
This isn't high school 
And I'm not 16!
So think about what you bring to the relationship table
Before you create chaos
And then turn around and blame and shame your partner 
Learn to be accountable 


Do not fear judgement 
Do not fear disapproval 
Do not fear criticism 
The only energy that has any power in your life is the gift of giving yourself self-worth
Don't underestimate your value


In laymen's terms this means:
1-You didn't start the Drama

2-You couldn't change the behavior even if the narcissist got hit over the head with a textbook by a clinical psychologist !

3- there's no cure for ignorance, stupidity, or someone that doesn't see themselves for who they really are and the destruction they cause due to high amounts of self-centerness combined with low self-esteem. 

4-recipe for complete relationship disaster. 
5-Just walk away knowing  its not you! It's about the mentally unstable narcissist 



Wednesday, February 26, 2014


A quiet morning on Bleeker street
One of the most famous streets in NYC 
And I work right here. This is my hood


They hated this Princess as well



Umhhh do I need the fireman for this???


I found amazing pizza tonight and it wasn't in New York !!
It's in my hometown!
Look! Mira !!


If you live in New York City for a long enough time you will eventually end up living in Brooklyn or Queens for more affordable housing. The most famous thing in Queens is the B.Q.E. Brooklyn Queens Expressway. It's just a highway running from Queens into Brooklyn but JayZ and Alicia Keys have made it famous. I have never lived in Queens but someday might consider it. I lived in Brooklyn for 2 yrs. when I first moved to NYC I lived in a great little flat in the Upper East side. 
 Enjoy my pictures of my life in New York 


It's nice to log unto your Blog and see you have more people following you from around the world than your own country. 

Thank you everyone 


I was at the gym the other night
I was on the treadmill bouncing my way to some favorite Madonna tunes when the 
Jolly man next to me taps me on the arm and says, "Wow! I never been next to any women that smells as good as you!" 

A bit taken back, my expression on my face would certainly show how appalled I was to be soo interrupted! Especially during my girl Madonna singing! 

I would give him my cute little swagger and respond, "Avon would serve your girl well and stay on that treadmill all night jolly man!" CIAO!

Pssst: I think I was next to Santa Claus


Awhile ago a girlfriend of mine gave me some great advice. At the time my heart and soul wasn't ready to accept it or learn from it. 
After all my counseling I've been through, 
I now can take this GREAT statement and run with it. 

It was the best advice I have received in the last 5 years since I've been divorced! 

I now hear her words loud and clear!!!

This is the advice she would give 3 years ago and these words would fall on deaf ears. But ever since I have evolved into a new person. I hear these words profoundly!

Ever since New York City has become apart of my life I get soo many compliments from lifetime friends how much they like the new me. 

These are the words she would speak to me that I now embrace and follow as part of who I have evolved into. 

"I think you need to stop dating the same kind of men, stop picking someone for looks, status, money, etc.... Go for someone that has more substance than the men you have been picking. Someone with a good heart, character, intelligence, cultured, diversity, worldly, someone down to earth, warm and fuzzy. Someone who respects you and him as a couple. Stay away from that guy that just has no idea what's even going on."

I get it, 3 years later, I get it!!!

We all seem to fall into "Patterns" when picking our significant others. Looks fade, a bad heart never changes, once a cheat always a cheat. It's a mentality. Don't pick someone like your ex! That didn't work so why would you want to go back into another relationship with someone of the same personality that just destroyed you?!
Why would you want your new spouse to be just like your old spouse?! It didn't work.  HELLO!!! 

So my eyes are wide open, opposites attract and that's a good thing. I don't want to be with another guy like any of my exes! 

So I'm doing a change up. You might find me in a charming romantic restaurant holding hands and swooning with a man you would have NEVER ever thought i would pick! Why??????

Because, I picked him over being good looking but has  substance and has a good character. At my age a man with intelligence and one that can hold a conversation is sooo much  sexier than shallow, dumb and stupid! 

Yes, opposites attract 

And I'm going for a different type of guy than I use to. 

No more flat tires for me!


Money doesn't mean you have affluence 
Just because you can rub 2 pennies together means nothing
Class takes more than that

B IS FOR BAS******

Lets talk more on narcissism 
Or maybe your saying enough!
But I experienced this first hand
And have researched this to great lengths
My time in counseling 
And now having a friend that issss 
A clinical psychologist has all added to my 
Education and knowledge on narcissist abuse. 
This is a real and thriving situation in society!
It's just not in a romantic relationships 
These characters are at your work place
Your church group
Your gym
In the salon environment it's that "Diva" stylist you work with telling all their clients their the best stylist in the salon.
Yes, narcissist abuse is alive and breathing. 

Ok, some of you are asking,
What exactly pinpoints this in a relationship. 

What's the difference? I'll use my own experience with what happened to me. 
And after my analogy and explanation you will have more clarity on the abuse I sustained. 

When I met my narcissist I treated it like any other dating situation, I kept it casual as we got to know one another, did we like each others company was there a connection? We were both newly divorced trying to find our way in our new lives. We both had children who came first and we also needed to focus on them. The whole package had to work. If my kids didn't like him I would have called it quits right away 

  We had a little bit different situation though my narcissist and I. (at least I felt that way) we had a lot of life similarities. We had both gone to high school together, we had the same lifetime friends, I had been his families hairstylist, my girlfriends were married to his guy friends, we both were divorced, we had kids the same age. 
We shared sooo many life experience. Soo much in common. 

None of these "bonding" lifetime experiences would have any value, meaning, security, fused patterns, would form a strong structure or importance to my narcissist. 

After about two months (I thought all was going well) he asked me to be "exclusive" ok, I was interested I like everything about the situation and agreed. 

 For months all seemed to be aspiring nicely between us. I would say to myself over and over again, " how did I get soo lucky" (I had no idea at this time the train wreck that was to hit me) ok, everything was going great. 

Lets stop here and analyze something. During this time some people had nooo idea I was in a serious relationship and were still trying to set me up with other men. I'm a hairdresser my clients adore me. Most of my clients knew I had been in an unhappy marriage for far too long and deserved someone wonderful to come into my life. So clients were still trying to fix me up. When I would go out with my girlfriends men would come up to me and were interested. But I was in a relationship that I respected! AAAAHHH !
I did use respected didn't I?!
 During these months that I was with my narcissist I was turning other men down! WOW! 
Can you imagine! It was because I was in love with the man I was with, I respected him, us, and our relationship. The end! 

I'm a very attractive girl and my narcissist is good looking but there's other men out there better looking, smarter, wealthier. 
But I didn't care I was happy with my man. 

My narcissist would start to remodel this older women's  salon. Obviously there was flirting going on and one thing lead to another and I wasn't even a thought process. This women had no respect for the fact that he was in a relationship. By both of them doing this showed they had no respect for anyone else but themselves. 
I have class, my girl code is no matter what, you don't go after other women's men or vice versa. When someone is in a relationship you respect that! These two would not and my demise would begin. 

 Now I'm really going to scare a lot of you! 
Not even 24 hours before the infraction (of these two) my narcissist would hold me in his arms and look at me and tenderly tell me, "I'm falling madly in love with you" he would cry as he said this. 

Feeling safe and secure in any relationship is soo important. No one needs to have love stress. I felt safe, I finally felt like I had found my "home" 

Sadly, this was the beginning of the end. 
From here on in nothing I said or did was right. The arguments would start. I was put on a love scale! I was told his feelings for me would go up and down on this scale. Sometimes I would be as low as a 3-4 and other times as high as 10. He would break up with me on and off for the next 9-10 months. ( Was i in high school?) 3 strikes and your out would be my final goodbye. I was told, "You would break and I would try to fix you, then you would be ok for awhile, then you would break again"  The finally would go something like this, "I think I need to try something else" 

From the time that he met this Cruella De Vil my demise would start. Sadly she would stay in the background of my relationship for the next 9-10 months. 
The new target already picked out. I was no sooner thrown out the door and she was moved in. 

I would be violated, abused for the next year due to these two narcissist. He was sooo sneaky never letting me aware that she was in the shadows of our relationship. If I would have known I would have ended this and never spoken to this Bastard again! I would have just walked away and maybe had found love again with a better man. But no, I wasn't given that. I would continued to be used and abused by this narcissist. 

He gave me all the signs and impression that everything was fine.. I was married for 20 yrs no relationship is perfect and I go into any dating situation with this in mind. 
We were glued at the hip! We were together everyday and night. This narcissist of mine put on a good show. 
Looking back, it just terrifies me!! I can't even give it an analogy! The evil I would be at the hands of pathetic. 

I have written about the Devil as he walks amongst us, not only would I walk with the Devil in this relationship, I would sleep in his arms every night thinking I was safe and secure! I was not !!!

Little did I know, I was sleeping with my biggest enemy! 

That's what these narcissist do, fool you to no avail. 

The difference between a regular healthy person and a narcissist in a relationship is, I had respect, empathy, compassion, love for us as a couple. He would have none of these. 

The minute Cruella was free from her relationship and wanted my man, I was thrown away faster than C.C.Sabathia can throw to first base. 

Do you see the unhealthiness?? This Cruella isn't better than me, I'm not replaceable and neither is anyone else. 

Please everyone, have respect for other people lives. There's plenty of single men and women out there looking for someone special. You don't have to destroy others lives who are already involved. 

And that's what a narcissist lacks... respect, empathy, compassion for anyone else. It's all about themselves. It doesn't matter who I hurt as long as my needs are being met everyone else can suck it. 

It's also the abuse I would sustain all these months that sets this apart from a normal relationship. 

And your probably asking why I didn't leave..... Truth is, I was really in love and really wanted this to work. I admired him, adored him, respected him, I just liked everything about him. 

I don't feel this way anymore. I'm healthy now and can see the trail of destruction I was so blinded to. Looking back the abuse I endured just mortifies me. How could someone want to do this to another human 

Because, this is what a narcissist does. 
They don't Honor a commitment. A healthy mind set honors a commitment. This wasn't high school! 


Women now a days, unless their co-dependent are very independent. Especially if they make a great salary, most women are no longer with a man for financial gain or security. So, treat your women well or she just might be a walking because..... She just doesn't need a moron! xoxo




Lets talk pet peeves 
One of my biggest pet peeves as a hairdresser is not washing a clients hair!
I'm sorry
I'm really sorry that I might be upsetting your AppleCart or your hairdresser comfort zone
But this is a personal issue with meeee
I really believe you can't get a great cut without washing a clients hair
End of story
Squirting a clients hair with the water bottles doesn't work for me
In some states it's actually a law
You are required to shampoo every clients hair.....
Look, I'm an Artist
That palate i put my work on needs a beginning and a great end
And if I need that palate completely saturated with water, shampoo and conditioner that's what I want
Remember, I'm a "seasoned" stylist
We seasoned stylist got this down 
This is like second nature to us older 
And I'm a mom
So as a older, seasoned stylist you get a motherly love and approach to your time with me behind my chair 
I got this down 
So please sit down and enjoy your shampoo

Tuesday, February 25, 2014


Being dragged to hell was my eye opener that true evil does exist in people. 
The things that those who don't possess a conscience or empathy can do to others. 
  The sheer hell of dating a narcissist became my Rock bottom. And ever since then he's been under my feet right where the devil belongs!