I moved to New York City
And in the last 4 yrs
I've learned to be alone
I went out to dinner by myself
Movies
Plays
And walked all over this damn romantic
City, alone!
But being alone with my thoughts
Gave me the ability to figure myself out
Find peace from the degrading hell
I had just encountered
And believe me
I had gone through emotional hell!!
Through being alone I got to understand
What I wanted out of life
My goals, values,
It helped shift my perspective
This helped me realize I am who I am
By myself, and not who I am in response
To someone else
In the last 4 yrs I've spent more time
By myself in life than I ever had,
Remember I'm older
Most people my age are married couples
I wanted to stop hurting and new the
Only way was to focus on something
I had looked into changing my career
When after someone said to me
Don't change careers!
You've had soo many life changes
In such a short period of time
Stay with what you know & are good at
So instead of going to culinary school
In New York, I became a New York City
Hairdresser
I turned my focus onto my career
My pain was sooo deep sooo dark
Sooo heart wrenching I needed to focus
The pain was sooo deep I never realized
You could hurt this bad as a human
It was from this pain
I moved forward
Slowly at first
I went out kicking & screaming
But I got out
It was through this process and a will
To endure, survive, and overcome
That I had to dig deep within myself
To find meaning & answers
Before I left for New York
I was in a really dark place
I had sunk into the deepest pit
And was unable to come out of my misery
No one had ever shattered my world
Like this
This was not like me!!!
What was going on???
It wasn't till I moved forward
Came to New York City
And put 100% focus on my career
That I started to discover life again
I was able to smile again
I sooo wanted to stop hurting
And knew jumping back into
Another relationship wasn't the answer
So the only way was to focus,
Be present and stop obsessing
On things I had no control of
It was only because what I did
Changed my perspective
And gave me some peace
I'm not going to lie to you!
It's not all ok
I still have good days and bad days
But at least I'm eating again
Truthfully, moving away really helped
I don't really know what would have happened if I didn't pick up and leave
There was a ton of haters on me
At the time and it was just too much
The verbal abuse will live with me forever
I still hear the words
Horrible
Horrible things were said to me
Never In my life had I encountered
Anything like this
The hurt and pain from these individuals
Was just horrible
I've learned to have gratitude
I've learned to appreciate people more
I'm more aware of expressing my appreciation to anyone that has offered
Me support or luv
Not because I've done anything wrong
But because it wasn't even a thought process when it came to me
I got NOOO support
But everything I did, I did it wrong
So due to me being treated as though
I was not good enough
I learned to make people know
I think you are all good enough
And offer kindness to everyone
Because it was not given to me
I let everyone know now that I care about
Them and make major efforts to call, message or meet with them all whenever
I get a chance
So, in the end just remember
You don't need someone to be complete
We only need ourselves
If you treat the universe well
It will treat you well
If you pay attention enough you will
Be able to see all the gifts it gives you
And believe me, the universe has given
Me sooo many free gifts in New York!!
Whoever thought it would put me in the path of major world mogols
The rich & famous
You all have been soo wonderful
And loving
I will be eternally thankful and grateful
For all that life has brought me
Thank you everyone
And thank you New York City
Xoxo
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