Is a simple thank you to my narcissist
For putting me through hell
If I would not have experienced this horrible, abusive relationship
I would have never set out into the world
In search of answers
Upon my arrival in New York and to this very day,
You placed me upon a world stage and I ran with it!
I ran like hell, I wanted to run and keep running till I no longer had a memory of your name or of us.
You defialed every aspect of a relationship having good memories
There are none
(My narcissist would go to great lengths to get what he wanted. The disrespect for me inhuman. That's what these narcissist do.)
There's only blood, rigamortis and death
I hope your proud what you left us with. And you know what everyone, a narcissist could careless. My narc could give one rats a****!!! My narc got what he wanted now screw everyone else.
Do you see the difference between a narcissist and a normal healthy person? A healthy persons mind would be telling its self, " This isn't working, my kids are upset, I've ruined soo much just to have.... What??? A big fat nothing. I'm even ruining my own reputation! For what?!"
AAAHHH, I'm sooo happy I have a healthy mind.
It's a wonderful world when your able to be mature, intelligent enough to make correct relationship decisions. It's just not with dating, these narcissist show up everywhere not just in love but in our families, our work environment.
I on the other hand
Was smart enough to know this was not normal what I experienced.
All my time alone I would run over this in my head,
Asking myself over and over again, "What the hell had happened here?"
The lack of bonding, OMG!! Spending that much time with another human and there being absolutely no bonding! To this day just terrifies me!
God would miraculously set me on a path. To search for answers, and my healing would begin.
God would place me in the secure arms of New York's finest. My great group of friends.
I would meet world famous people, actors, authors, TV stars, financial moguls, Olympic Medallists, and the wonderful world of New York's hairdresser's ( I know I'm forgetting others) it doesn't matter to me the famous I've met. That's what I like about New Yorkers, their the most unpretentious people on the planet.
What matters here is God placed me in this city for me to meet the right people and get me onto the right path. I had been living in hell for sooo long I couldn't recognize good anymore. And kept getting back into wrong relationships and having toxic people in my life.
AAAHHHH
Lets talk about my healing
I'm not going to lie, I'm not totally healed yet. Narcissist abuse strips you of EVERYTHING. Your hearts gone, your soul, self esteem.
I no longer have to compete or validate myself to no one. So don't try it with me or you will get a New York minute shoved down your throat!
I'm not replaceable !!!!!!
And this isn't a story about all my attributes, it's about the abuse I experienced, the level it was taken to, and my survival, my emerging from broken to healing.
I'm not ready to forgive my narcissist yet
And my narcissist isn't ready to recognize his own destruction. It's hard being accountable.
Everyone has a hard time recognizing when the Devil walks in your shoes.
Most of my lifetime friends will tell you I'm usually the first person to recognize my wrongs and failures. That's called not being a narcissist.
I will pray though for my narcissist epiphany and that it includes counseling.
I won't hold my breath and I will most likely die before my narcs ego and pride is laid down in battle and the healing begins.
I'm sure my narcs story is told like this,
"I found someone better and moved on"
I could tell the same tale! My narcs not the best looking guy on the planet or the smartest or the wealthiest! I can go on and on and on. Found something better!
Oh please! Lay it to rest! HUH?! I could say as well, "I found twice a world better than my narc!"
It's these sort of statements that place this man in a narcissist category. The proper situation for my narcissist to have told the new target the minute she started flirting with him should have been, "I have too much respect, love admiration for the girl I'm already with. I already am with a girl who's beautiful and smart." But, there would be no respect for me or our relationship. Respect for us as a couple would have been to send her on her way. "No thanks" But no, my narc would get all giggly and excited his self esteem thrown soo high. Thinking he had just landed the biggest prize in the Valley! All the while we all know that's no prize. But my narcs self esteem, ego needs to be so stroked so in the narcs eyes its the best thing that ever happened to him.
I'm not replaceable, and neither is anyone else! So bit me! Theres only one me!
I'd rather be a girl who lights up a room when entered than a girl who has a reputation of condescending beotch.
I'd rather be known for EXACTLY what I'm known as and I'm proud of me!
Because of this I'm not the same girl I use to be, that was taken away, stripped gone, gone with all those tears that went into the Hudson River. Sitting on that bench in Battery Park city watching the sunset.
This is a hairdresser telling the world, look I experienced something really horrible. I live in experience now.
I thank you, my narc, your lack of....
Gosh, your lack of everything put me on the right path.
I have no respect for my narc, just like the rest of us that have been through this abuse. I sit and listen to all the stories at support groups. I read emails and letters I receive. And thank you all for sharing your stories with me. It's good to know I don't walk alone in this experience.
My journey into one of the worlds most fabulous cities was the best thing I could have EVER taken.
The people, my people, the place where I'm no longer a square peg in a round whole. The place where no one wants to hurt me, the one place I feel completely safe(next to Barnes & Nobles, my narc doesn't read)
SAFE!!... My God if you only knew how much feeling SAFE now means to me!!!
I was sooo unsafe with my narcissist
I had no idea someone wanted sooo much harm for me. The place I should had been the safest. It just scares me! How could I spend everyday and every night with someone that didn't want to protect me?!
I can't even think about it.....
What I want to get across is my story. I had NEVER experienced a relationship like this before and pray to never again.
I will pray that my narc has an epiphany one day and they as well will travel a healing road.
I won't hold my breath
But I can now reach out to the world and educate others on Narcissist ABUSE
NPD
RECOGNIZE THE SIGNS AND GET OUT BEFORE ITS TO LATE!
Abuse kills!!!
I have friends that have committed suicide due to narcissist abuse, being cheated on
Etc...
Don't let this kill YOU!!!!
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