Wednesday, February 12, 2014

A CUPCAKE WITH NO ICING

Yes, I talk a lot about my bad experience with this narcissistic relationship
But for a very long time I was in the dark
I had no idea that I had encountered 
A Personality disorder

I want to REALLY stress to you if you are in any relationship and KEEP saying to yourself "This is not normal" it most likely is not normal. 

Remember this just doesn't have to Be in a romantic relationship 

We can encounter Narcissist anywhere
Work, family members, husband, wives
Etc....

This relationship now looking back was 
Just horrible. I'm just soooo sad and hurt 
That another human being could conduct a life on this level. Callous, lack of empathy, compassion, only worried for their own self satisfaction. The lack of concern for me beyond words. 

This is how my therapist would come to the conclusion of went on here. My therapist gives me all their information 
To get out to you.  We want to empower and educate you on what the difference between a "Normal" healthy relationship is and what a relationship is like with a Narcissist. 

A Narcissist can NEVER be without supply
They always have to be with someone.
How sad. Sometimes in life its good to take some time to be alone and figure who you are as a person, what's your passions, hopes, dreams, desires? What do you aspire to be or do in life? If its nothing then you must be dead. ?????

The disregard for my feelings and well being was beyond anything I had ever experienced. If you are experiencing this start analyzing your relationship further.
Start looking into Narcissist abuse. Learn to be strong, stand up for yourself. 

They will go to GREAT lengths to blame you, shame you, humiliate you. 

It took me many years to finally come out of my closet and talk about this. I will no longer protect my narcissist. He doesn't deserve one ounce of anything from me. When you violate someone to this level you don't deserve a handshake, a pat on the back or told, job well done.  This is not a story about "two nice people that just can't be together!" What kind of ignoramus comes up with a theory like that?! a narcissist of coarse. Two nice people belong together, theres a lot of them out there that ARE together. This was the stupidity I encountered. I should have said, "Don't even speak to me, the stupidity that you spew is just vile!" I also should have said, "You don't belong on the same planet as me, we are not even on the same intellect level or any levels of life! I believe in loving, supportive relationships not this narcissistic sick game you are playing." My narcissist  chose to conduct his lifestyle in this manner, I choose to no longer accept it. It's not normal. It wasn't normal. I'm a better person than this I deserved so much better than this character. My therapist wants me to keep saying, "I'm lucky I dodged a huge bullet here" 

My ex-husband had more empathy than this character. My ex-husband found a nice girl. These are normal healthy relationships. 

The joke is if I ever see my narcissist the theme song to Jaws starts playing in my head. 

Yes, my narcissist scares me. I saw him months ago and just started shaking. It comes from the trauma the violation I was exposed to for such a long period of time. But we live in the same town and my therapist says, "You have every right to live your life and go where you want to go do not stoop to his level anymore, this is his silent control over you, he wants to intimidate you, well guess what it's your world too, take his control away and go anywhere you want to go!" 

I had NEVER encountered such a cold blooded heart as my narcissist would have.

My friends are scared for me. He worries them. This was so not normal. I knew something was off here, I just couldn't figure it out. I had never encountered NPD 
before. 

Narcissist are a people who conduct their lives in patterns, my narcissist will never recognize the symptoms they poses,my narcissist   will never be accountable for what went on here. My narcissist tells people the relationship ended  wayyyy before my narc started dating their new target. Little does my narcissist know, they also tell people they met the  new target when my narc started remodeling the targets business 
AAAHHH, this was when my narcissist was still with Dating me!! Mmmhhh 

Do you see this sickness????

Do you see what I endured here. Anyone who sides with my narc are called enablers. They to we're aware of my demise. But just sat back and never said anything. 

Most narcissist are charmers. Having personalities where in "Public" they (think) are well liked and popular. Little does my narcissist know people are now starting to come forward and asking me why is my narc dating such a vile unfriendly person.  Because the people that are talking to me see the sickness, their smart, they see whats going on here. they see right through him. Thats why they come forward and tell me things, because they have healthy minds. I'm soo proud of those who see through my narcissist low self-esteem games.  

My narc always seemed so nice. This is where I have to bite my tongue. 

The Apples to Oranges comparison is now being brought to my attention. 

I endure many of our similar lifetime friends  stop to chat with me when I'm out and tell me this Apple to Orange theory. " How could your narc go from dating sweet, kind hearted, fun-loving you to such a vile personality older gal?"  I usually stay silent anymore, ( i also don't say much because really I don't care anymore. To date someone with such an ill fated personality is my narc getting his karma, must suck to be my narc. To late to turn back now?!)  I now bite my tongue, or I simply explain, "If that is his comfort zone then that is where he needs to be" I think he was sad to lose his wife and I think the new target has a personality like my narcs wife. 
So my narcissist comfortable with that. Really it has nothing to do with that at all this was my narcs way of feeding his image and low self-esteem. Look what I have. But we all know he has nothing. A guy friend of mine who is very very wealthy said he was going to ask the target out but heard nothing good about her. This is why the target is with my narc, she can't get anything else. So they are perfect together
Feeding of each other. It's sort of sad. No it's really sad. 

Why did I have to be in harms way like I was. My therapist handles that part.
You encountered a narcissist and this is how they conduct relationships. 

You were only there to fill a void till they got what they wanted. 

If you are in this kind of relationship it's time to step aside, take a breath, get help, and walk away. Yes, it might be the hardest thing to do. But it will be the best thing you could ever do. And yes there might be days and weeks of terrible heartbreak, you might spend hours upon hours in tears, but crying is actually a good way to release hurt, get counseling 
Please! 

Don't carry this trauma for to long, don't let it cripple you because narcissist abuse can be crippling. I've met people who couldn't work, lost their jobs,  committed suicide, lost everything from the trauma and sickness this type of relationship causes. 

This is now a passion of mine I want to help others who have experienced this. And I do. I have a friend that owns a wellness center and I spend a lot of time putting together speeches and presentations on this subject. I keeps me vigilant as well. I'm sooo passionate about what's going on in my life right now my friends have talked me into going back to college and getting a degree in writing and psychology. Do you see how a bad thing turned my life into many good things?! 

I'm just like anyone else, I want to find someone wonderful and have a healthy loving relationship. But next time, it's going to be with someone healthy who has empathy, compassion, and intelligence. Someone who can't be stollen away so easily. But an intelligent man can't be stollen away for  a cupcake with no icing. And that's exactly what my narc has, a cupcake with no icing. And that's why my  friends notice the difference between me and my narcs new target Lack of icing. 

One thing I will stress, please, please don't jump back into another relationship just because you don't want to be alone. That's 
Settling for someone, a void filled. Those empty sort of relationships never last and everyone deserve to be with someone they TRUELY love.

May all your Epiphanies be a blessing. 
Mine were. May your road to recovery and healing come with eye-openers and a repaired heart. Although a heart that has been shattered is hard to put back together. I get it. Take your time and only start dating when your ready. It's not fair to "use" people. This is what the narcissist do, they "use" you. Don't lower yourself to their reindeer games. 

Don't date in Mis-fit toy land anymore. 
Up your standards, you will see a world of difference in mentality when you do this. And remember, healthy people don't want to hurt you. 
GOD BLESS



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