The luv of my life

Two years ago this week I lost the luv of my life. My chances if ever having true deep feelings for someone like I had for him are nil. My chances to get struck by lightning or win a United States lottery are probably greater! I certainly don't want to win a US lottery either, have you ever seen that tv show? The people that have won the US lottery?! OMG!! They have terrible things happen to them! There's a curse on the US lottery!! Probably put there by our Native American Indians. Tehe their still pissed we came and stole their land. Can't blame them, and I'm soo a fan of Chief Joseph.
Anyway, my personality is very much associated with my astrology sign, I don't fall in luv very easily and my heart can be quit cold. But this man was this first guy to ever sweep me off my feet! He soo wanted me to be submissive and there just isn't an ounce of that in my blood.
I thought it was perfect! We both had gone to high school together. My girlfriends are married to his guy friends we both luved sports and our kids were just wonderful!
But fate had a different calling for both of us. I'm in New York and he is in our hometown still with the older women he left me for. I can't even image him with this girl?? It's just seems soo bizzare??
She's very fond of herself, condescending, "I luv me, who do you luv" type of personality. Just bizzare! That my sweet guy wants to spend the rest of his life with this type of women??
Him and I used to laugh and have soo much fun together, I can't see him having that with such a tight ass personality??!!
I'll never understand, and I'm sad that I have to spend the rest if my life without him. I know there's alot of me's out there. I've met them. Standing behind my chair. We have that bond. It brings new friendships into my life, me and all my damaged friends. Heartbreak. They write books about it, make movies on it. But in
The movies it's sooo fake! They always get their luv back. In real life, some us do not. And we're left just in bewilderment . Like I am. Complete bewilderment.
I'm older now and my chances of finding what I'm looking for are soo gone. Most the men my age are all over weight or bald and grey. I know that's not everything but there has to be that initial attraction for me. My x honey isn't the best looking tool in the shed, but all that mattered was he did it for me.
I've dated a little since he's been gone but, I realized my heart wasn't there. So, I've just stepped away. I don't really need to be with anyone, I'm self sufficient. My children like that I'm alone anyway, they like that they get the attention.
So for right now I'm just going to dream of the day that I once again get swept off my feet. Truthfully, I'm a little psychic, I don't see it being in my cards. My gut feeling is, I will be spending the rest of my life alone.........