Lets talk more on narcissism Or maybe your saying enough!
But I experienced this first hand
And have researched this to great lengths
My time in counseling
And now having a friend that issss
A clinical psychologist has all added to my
Education and knowledge on narcissist abuse.
This is a real and thriving situation in society!
It's just not in a romantic relationships
These characters are at your work place
Your church group
Your gym
In the salon environment it's that "Diva" stylist you work with telling all their clients their the best stylist in the salon.
Yes, narcissist abuse is alive and breathing.
Ok, some of you are asking,
What exactly pinpoints this in a relationship.
What's the difference? I'll use my own experience with what happened to me.
And after my analogy and explanation you will have more clarity on the abuse I sustained.
When I met my narcissist I treated it like any other dating situation, I kept it casual as we got to know one another, did we like each others company was there a connection? We were both newly divorced trying to find our way in our new lives. We both had children who came first and we also needed to focus on them. The whole package had to work. If my kids didn't like him I would have called it quits right away
We had a little bit different situation though my narcissist and I. (at least I felt that way) we had a lot of life similarities. We had both gone to high school together, we had the same lifetime friends, I had been his families hairstylist, my girlfriends were married to his guy friends, we both were divorced, we had kids the same age.
We shared sooo many life experience. Soo much in common.
None of these "bonding" lifetime experiences would have any value, meaning, security, fused patterns, would form a strong structure or importance to my narcissist.
After about two months (I thought all was going well) he asked me to be "exclusive" ok, I was interested I like everything about the situation and agreed.
For months all seemed to be aspiring nicely between us. I would say to myself over and over again, " how did I get soo lucky" (I had no idea at this time the train wreck that was to hit me) ok, everything was going great.
Lets stop here and analyze something. During this time some people had nooo idea I was in a serious relationship and were still trying to set me up with other men. I'm a hairdresser my clients adore me. Most of my clients knew I had been in an unhappy marriage for far too long and deserved someone wonderful to come into my life. So clients were still trying to fix me up. When I would go out with my girlfriends men would come up to me and were interested. But I was in a relationship that I respected! AAAAHHH !
I did use respected didn't I?!
During these months that I was with my narcissist I was turning other men down! WOW!
Can you imagine! It was because I was in love with the man I was with, I respected him, us, and our relationship. The end!
I'm a very attractive girl and my narcissist is good looking but there's other men out there better looking, smarter, wealthier.
But I didn't care I was happy with my man.
My narcissist would start to remodel this older women's salon. Obviously there was flirting going on and one thing lead to another and I wasn't even a thought process. This women had no respect for the fact that he was in a relationship. By both of them doing this showed they had no respect for anyone else but themselves.
I have class, my girl code is no matter what, you don't go after other women's men or vice versa. When someone is in a relationship you respect that! These two would not and my demise would begin.
Now I'm really going to scare a lot of you!
Not even 24 hours before the infraction (of these two) my narcissist would hold me in his arms and look at me and tenderly tell me, "I'm falling madly in love with you" he would cry as he said this.
Feeling safe and secure in any relationship is soo important. No one needs to have love stress. I felt safe, I finally felt like I had found my "home"
Sadly, this was the beginning of the end.
From here on in nothing I said or did was right. The arguments would start. I was put on a love scale! I was told his feelings for me would go up and down on this scale. Sometimes I would be as low as a 3-4 and other times as high as 10. He would break up with me on and off for the next 9-10 months. ( Was i in high school?) 3 strikes and your out would be my final goodbye. I was told, "You would break and I would try to fix you, then you would be ok for awhile, then you would break again" The finally would go something like this, "I think I need to try something else"
From the time that he met this Cruella De Vil my demise would start. Sadly she would stay in the background of my relationship for the next 9-10 months.
The new target already picked out. I was no sooner thrown out the door and she was moved in.
I would be violated, abused for the next year due to these two narcissist. He was sooo sneaky never letting me aware that she was in the shadows of our relationship. If I would have known I would have ended this and never spoken to this Bastard again! I would have just walked away and maybe had found love again with a better man. But no, I wasn't given that. I would continued to be used and abused by this narcissist.
He gave me all the signs and impression that everything was fine.. I was married for 20 yrs no relationship is perfect and I go into any dating situation with this in mind.
We were glued at the hip! We were together everyday and night. This narcissist of mine put on a good show.
Looking back, it just terrifies me!! I can't even give it an analogy! The evil I would be at the hands of pathetic.
I have written about the Devil as he walks amongst us, not only would I walk with the Devil in this relationship, I would sleep in his arms every night thinking I was safe and secure! I was not !!!
Little did I know, I was sleeping with my biggest enemy!
That's what these narcissist do, fool you to no avail.
The difference between a regular healthy person and a narcissist in a relationship is, I had respect, empathy, compassion, love for us as a couple. He would have none of these.
The minute Cruella was free from her relationship and wanted my man, I was thrown away faster than C.C.Sabathia can throw to first base.
Do you see the unhealthiness?? This Cruella isn't better than me, I'm not replaceable and neither is anyone else.
Please everyone, have respect for other people lives. There's plenty of single men and women out there looking for someone special. You don't have to destroy others lives who are already involved.
And that's what a narcissist lacks... respect, empathy, compassion for anyone else. It's all about themselves. It doesn't matter who I hurt as long as my needs are being met everyone else can suck it.
It's also the abuse I would sustain all these months that sets this apart from a normal relationship.
And your probably asking why I didn't leave..... Truth is, I was really in love and really wanted this to work. I admired him, adored him, respected him, I just liked everything about him.
I don't feel this way anymore. I'm healthy now and can see the trail of destruction I was so blinded to. Looking back the abuse I endured just mortifies me. How could someone want to do this to another human
Being?
Because, this is what a narcissist does.
They don't Honor a commitment. A healthy mind set honors a commitment. This wasn't high school!
