"Why did this happen to me?"
I would spend days, weeks, months
Asking myself this.
"Why did this happen?"
Why was I to experience such evil thrust
Upon me
I'm just like anyone else.....
So I thought
All I wanted was to find happiness after a horrible marriage
All I wanted was to be loved and to give love
I was too old to play games
And I wasn't aware of the name of the horrible game that was about to be played on me
If I would've know, I would have been
An unwilling player
My sweet, innocent heart would soon become involved in a battle for my life
As I stand on this world stage
I knew my story needed to be told
What happened to me was not normal
Especially for my age
The lack of empathy & compassion for me would become monstrous
I'll never forget the day the epiphany hit me
There I was, I had just been chased out of Hells Kitchen by a card reader. I was at a street fair and as I walked by her she connected with me. She rose from her seat and called out to me. "That smile on your face is a mask" she would say to me. I looked at her and responded with a chuckle & my cocky American swagger,
And replied, " Lady your crazy, you are all wrong" I would keep walking. I could see Time Square off in the distance as I walked up 42nd. She kept yelling at me
"Let me do a reading for you,that smile you wear is hiding a broken heart"
Angry by now, I was in nooo mood to deal with this. I was safe, secure far away from my life I left behind. She insisted, persisted & started chasing after me. I told her to STOP!! Let me alone!
She started chasing after me. As I began my quest to elude her in one of the most busiest parts of NYC I thought I could sneak away.
There we were, she would grab my arm
As we entered the corner of Broadway & 42nd street. "That smile you wear, is hiding many tears"
As she wanted to call me to attention
I refused to give her what she wanted. I would look at her and lie......
Very angry & annoyed, I would look at her and growl......
"Lady you got it all wrong!"
There I was, just chased out of Hells Kitchen by a card reader. I found myself
Standing now on Broadway & 37th street. I started to cry. When I opened my eyes and wiped my tears. I saw Macy's.
He called to me, Mr. Macy said, "Come, there's nothing better for a broken heart than retail therapy. A pair of Vince Camuto boots and some Mac makeup will make you feel better."
As I walked down Broadway that day I was just numb. I agreed with Mr. Macy, I needed his store and some hard liquor.
And this was the beginning of my life in New York City.
I realized after my divorce I had been handed a bad deck of cards and new I needed to do a change up. I needed to refocus, I needed to find me again. And throwing myself back into another relationship was not the answer.
I had been sooo broken down, ridiculed, humiliated, chastised, demoralized by a complete unhealthy narcissist. Treated far beyond any human should ever be treated.
It was time to find me again. I needed to use my strength & good heart to accomplish where my new life was about to take me.
This city & my hairdressing career would be my therapy. This is where all the therapy would begin........
I'm proud of myself that this would be my destiny. My moving forward would take me into a world & meet people I could have only dreamed of.
This would be my time to heal.
God & the universe kept sending me signals. At first I didn't recognize them until my roommate would bluntly say to me after he found me crying. "Trac, you have been given a true gift here in New York, your missing all the wonderful things & experiences that have been placed before you."
After he opened my eyes I realized he was right. God had placed me in all the right salons & with the people that would eventually become my future.
These people would become lifetime friends.
A city would exhume her love & energy & give me hope.
I live with no regrets that I did this, and in the end, I would walk out of one of the most fabulous cities in the world to go home.
God would now say to me, "Girl tell your story...... your are a testimony to all who have experienced your pain"
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