After being discarded, you believe it is your fault. You obsess over whether you could have done things differently.
You languish over your abuser, brooding over whether there's a chance to win them back & prove your worth(which my narc made me do) that is precisely what they want.
You see, they were preening the new supply behind your back, as well as telling
You(and everyone else within a 50 mile radius) everything that's wrong with you!
And your demise in the relationship would now begin.
My narcissus was sooo unhealthy he told his young child private personal things! Actually telling the poor sweet child, " I don't see her as a lifetime partner" As a mother I was mortified!
Do you see the unhealthiness ???
My narcissist also placed the child in the new supplies classes. That way having an excuse to go there. The child got taken to the same nail salon she went to and even taking me to the new supplies friends to do insurance business! Then telling me "I'm not available tonight" and I would find his car at her business. All the while they would meet for dinner & drinks behind my back. The new supply started showing up at functions we would attend as well.
All the while I was too "In love" to not trust him.
"Loved bombed" I was. Now the narcissist wants you to believe it was all your fault. You drove me into the new supplies arms.
Narcissist need you to think the problems in the relationship are solely your fault and it's no different during the break up.
Remember how they became nasty at the end?! Our first anniversary was on the cusp & I was asked, " why was I soo excited!" I'll never forget my face as I felt my heart drop to my feet.
I should have kicked this hillbilly to the curb the moment of his first infraction
And never looked back. I certainly wouldn't have been missing out!
All these mentally, verbally abusive incidents was to guarantee he/she held no accountability while making arrangements
To be with or move in with the new supply.
Meanwhile you take on the burden of your new supply.
As painful as it is, there is a method to the narcissist madness. Your abuser brainwashed you from the beginning. They hooked you in by sweeping you off your feet. I seriously thought I was in a safe, committed relationship! If I would had known I was in an open relationship I would have given him the same respect back & dated others as well.
Once I was completely under his spell
He would chip away at my confidence, independence & self-image
My narcissist isolated me that I lost all support systems. My one girlfriend would see through his evil facade of my demise
And till this day no one is aloud to mention
His name around her! She has no use for his "Scott Peterson" personality.
And since the relationship was doomed from the beginning it was crucial for them to make you believe it was your fault.
After being unceremoniously kicked to the curb you discover your partner is living a magical fairy tale with a happy-go lucky new partner- a match made in heaven- but appearances can be deceiving & tortuous, especially after you have been conditioned to think you are worthless & unattractive.
Well quest what..... I now see him as worthless & unattractive. To go back to that wouldn't be a fate I'd wish on a DOG!
When you find out they already have the new partner in less than a week, all the allegations of you " weren't cheated" on are now the truth. The hurt intensifies but it has nothing to do with the new person. And it has nothing to do with you. It's all about them and that they are a predator.
The narcissist x warned you! You heard the statement loud and clear, my narc was just so charming he manipulated me into over looking it & she's just crazy bitch.
Do you see these signs? Are you seeing your life unfold in my story?
They didn't choose the new supply because of their looks( most of my high school girlfriends all exclaiming, oh my she's not even pretty and she looks old)
Not because of "Love" it was because they cannot survive alone and they were the first one to come along and fit the bill of new supply. A "Meal ticket" the new supply maybe offering all the things you didn't at the time. Positive affirmations, maybe a little money or prestige. Whatever
The narcissist lacks in his own life the new supply can offer. ( most narcs come from very poor family's and have always dreamed of social status acceptance,
"Look at me now" WOW, whoever thought I'd get soo lucky after a divorce.
While they were in the final phase of discarding you( they were already emotionally removed from your relationship. So by the time your discard were to a occur they could replace you so quickly. There was no bond with you.)
Do you see the sickness??
Most long term couples have very close bonds with each other after spending day after day with each other, that's the bonding, the cultivating aspect you share as a long term couple. You unfortunately
Got the most unhealthy guy on the planet
To get involved with and this bond would never be formed with you.
The new supply would be groomed for her new position. What she would not know,
Is he wasn't about to give you up until he was sure she was ready to make the commitment. He was still stalking you and his x and even engaging in intimacy with you because of his sickness. " I'll come back ever 2 weeks so you can't move on"
Are you crying by now at the abuse I experienced ???
Any observations or thoughts you have about the new supply would be shut down. Anything negative I would say about the new target my narcissist would go into outrage mode. I was even hung up on.
Remember a narcissist doesn't see what you see when you look at this new partner. The only thing he sees is the "Meal Ticket" he never had. This is a prouss Narcissist has perfected and it will always be this way.
You took your turn in the circle of abuse-
And as awful this is to hear, it is the very truth because they are predators, extortionist, betrayers, liars, and all you have to do is look back and see the destruction they have laid out personally for you.
In your healing, try to apply reason to it-
What changed you was this mentally ill person. The narcissist now describes you as unstable & many other things will be labeled to you.
Isn't it funny how all of a sudden after a lifetime of living without them you suddenly become unstable??
Well yes, they devour our spirits.
Remember, I fought my narcissist, he would push I would push back. My narc wasn't use to this he wanted to break me down for full control. He tried to bury me under his abuse by verbally & mentally breaking me. Using statements such as
" You would break & I would fix you, then you would keep breaking and I couldn't fix you"
Do you see the unhealthiness ???
Scared! I've been scared of this statement for a long time.
Now in your healing you need to remove the layers of negativity that the predator placed on your positive lifestyle you once knew.
The life we once had exists under the layers of defamation, ridicule, and verbal abuse.
We know love, trust, empathy & compassion & this wasn't it.
I must admit, I encountered another narcissist in my dating after this horrible
Relationship ended, but I saw the signs
And quickly ended it!
I am a very smart, beautiful, strong women & I wasn't going to let this pathetic loser take me down.
My God, my narc lacks in everything except charm.
I fought back & this was my demise. In the end I know I won my battle that I was soo unwilling to play. I'm not going to lie, I really was "In Love" with my narcissist.
But in the end I knew in a healthy relationship & with someone who was mentally well. None of this would have happened.
So now I'm free from an unhealthy love triangle, free to find something she will never have.... A mentally healthy partner!
God bless you all on your recovery from
Narcissist abuse. It's just my experience with this form of abuse that I have now become an activist. It's a passion to educate & put it out there the information
So others to can find freedom & healing.
I hope I will help you on your road to recovery, just like my support systems
Help me.
Xoxo
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