That they are not cheating (they are)
By using words "When would I have the time??"
Ok, here we go my manifesto on the abuse I suffered in the dark days of my life.
I pray for your recovery if you as well have suffered due to narcissistic abuse
I'm sorry if you see your life unfold in my story
My recovery and strength and education
On this would come when I would walk away from my former life and found myself in one of the most fabulous cities in the world.
My healing would begin in New York City
On upon meeting someone very wonderful
That I will always be great full to. If it were not for their education, intellect,
Empathy and compassion as I would now expose my story of disbelief of true evil
That someone would recognize what I had just experienced and to what level of unbelievable harm of my God given rights
As a human being. And this is my story
Of how I was so servilely violated.
My life after Narcissist abuse..........
Narcissistic abuse begins with a HORRENDOUS sense of ISOLATION with their targets
My narcissist did everything in his power to isolate me from society. Beating me down till I began to fight back (this would be the beginning of my demise) I kicked, screamed & cried! I knew deep in my heart there was something dark going on between us. But I was soo "in love" trying sooo hard to grasp what was going on. My innocence being stollen away forever. My whole outlook on love will be forever changed if not damaged. My heart ripped to shreds, lost forever, never being able to return to that girl I use to be....heart wrenching for me. My whole freedom to live to this day! Still compromised. You are now witnessing me taking control and reclaiming my life. I will make no excuses ever again to know one and don't have to validate my life to any one individual on this planet!
My world would become full of time tending to his emotions in order "save" them from the horrible insecurities that drives their jealousies & possessive demands. it was a full time job making sure he knew i was loyal. all the while behind my back he was cultivating his next supply. Always threatening me with break ups if I didn't conform to who he thought I should be. Maybe he should have been more concerned about who I thought he should be!! I will never know where my narc gets off, he's not all that good looking, doesn't have a great job and lacks sooo
Much substance. Go figure
I wasn't aloud to meet girlfriends out for a casual drink and all my male friends had to be disposed of as well. No man wants to be anyone women's friend. Isn't that insane. If I did go out against his will, statements such as these were spewed
At me, "Someone's going to steal you away from me" or " Your in a committed relationship why do you need to go out with your friends?"
Have you seen the unhealthiness yet???
The scariest and totally twisted statement
Had yet to come
The tsunami of statements would run something like this, " if I could only keep you in the bedroom our relationship would be fine, but the minute we are around other people it goes all wrong"
As victims we are inundated with messages about how WE are to BLAME for the misunderstandings, the many rifts, the jabs. The biggest jab coming with such a fierce blow my narc should just had taken a baseball bat and beat me with it. " I don't see you as a life partner" WTH was going on here!! Here was a another human spending everyday with me, texting, calling, we were inseparable and telling me this NOW!!! Who does this sort of thing!!!
Now that I'm healthy and far away from this abuse I realize the crazy and it was not from my end. I was sincere, loyal all I wanted was a happy life after a long term marriage that ended in divorce and I deserved that. I'm a good, kind person.
The negative emotions we experience
As a result of not being respected having our boundaries crossed by the narcissist that go along with being " In love" with a total succubus!
My demise would come when I would start
To fight back. He knew he couldn't CONTROL me. Not that I would have done anything wrong, but a narcissist needs that sense of control due to their own minds being so out of control their lack of self esteem and the need to manipulate you and isolate you. I am a hairdresser, you can't isolate me from society! Society
Is my bread and butter!!!
When we finally break free we realize, that we are VERY ALONE
After the break-up the narc will do everything to make others believe you are the crazy one. Your character will be attacked and the demoralizing of your soul
Continues
We don't realize that there are sooo many survivors just like us, who experience the
INSIDIOUSNESS that the narcissist disorder personalities creates in their environments. It's just a crazy, insecure world they live in.
Have you've seen the light yet?????
Their degrading, hurtful words ring out in our heads constantly. ( I still hear them, I can't ever reveal some of the things that were said to me, some sooo monsterous I still can't believe I put up with this.
The blame game will start. WE DID THIS, WE CREATED THIS DRAMA, MADNESS. We don't know up from down. Mind fugged
To our very core, beaten down to we lay crying on the floor. And this is the abuse
We sustained at the hands of someone
Who told us they loved us! If we tell anyone what's really going on in this relationship we fear ridicule, " But he's such a nice guy" ( so was Scott Peterson)
We participate in shying away from doing things with friends and family to KEEP the narc happy and to keep peace. Not engaging in activities that hurt the narcissist sensitivities, but we are still alone!
When we try to re-enter the real world after the break-up we find a mixed bag of nuts. Many people around us are now EXHAUSTED from all the drama we carried
With us because of the narcissistic abuse.
So friends & family don't want to hear a word of it.
Some friends "KNOW" or think they know
( believe their version of who they think the narc pretends to be) the narcissist, and just can't make the leap of (faith in us) of the narcissist as "nice" guy or "gal"
THIS IN ITSELF IS TERRIBLE & PROBABLY
THE MOST SCHOCKING ASPECT OF ABUSE
as an honest person.
When you have been denied the reality of
Being credible and truthful and having a long history of being a good person, by someone simply denying it?
We are triggered into strong emotions when our honesty is invalidated
Isolation leads to depression
Isolation is the key to manipulation
I pray for your recovery
May you find comfort and hope in my experience
Please realize it's not you
Your not crazy
This is a huge study in society & it's hitting the planet like hotcakes
There are many of us victims out there
I had nooo idea that such a personality disorder existed until I started to tell my tale.
I was lucky to tell it to the right person
With enough education on this to seek out help for me
I'm now an advocate against abuse in this fashion and feel it is my God given calling
To continue for the rest of my life to speak out on how I was violated
May no man or women be abused like I was and when in a relationship we all need to be aware there are boundaries
Love doesn't hurt
Love is having to say your sorry!
Take your time to heal
Xoxo
--life after narcissist abuse
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