I have a trust issue
I'm not here to fix anyone
And I don't want to be your mommy!
I'm not even here to figure you out
If you need to be figured out, chased or fixed
Or need someone to perfect your business
I'm not your girl
You should have a brain to figure it out yourself....
I have to!
I wish you all the best, but simply cannot be involved---- I don't have the time, the energy or the inclination
Your a big boy and getting too old for this
I am older, wiser, seasoned
When you cross the right of passage bridge you no longer entertain the BS
I will tell you to keep it moving if I see any
I need to know you are capable and willing
To fill in your own without looking to me,
Alcohol, sex, porn, sports, gambling, flirting or any outside things to boost your damaged ego, low self-esteem
This isn't high school and we are not 16
So if you need to cheat, lie, just cause chaos keep it moving
Because I just don't need to entertain you
And your immature mind
It all just comes from a place within ourselves
How hard is it?!
To come together
Learn to deeply love each other??!!
Please remember, I need alone time
I'm fiercely independent
Have spent a lot of time alone after my divorce
Alone on that park bench in Battery Park City crying, dreaming, thinking, vegging
Trying to figure it all out
I need alone time
To read, go to the gym, do yoga, be with my kids, write, be with my friends
I don't feel it's good to be glued at the hips
There will be some days I will need more time away from you or less time, maybe if you really capture my heart I won't need any..... But then consider yourself lucky
Please remember this doesn't mean your not important to me or your annoying me, it's just that I've taken the last few years working on improving me, my heart, my soul. Taking the horribleness of all the insanity projected unto me by complete
Idiots, people with nooo substance only egos, worried only about their "Image"
Pathetic humans, conniving, misconstruing, not caring about anyone else but themselves.
I don't get starry eyed anymore and fall quickly
I'm not 16 and this isn't high school
You won't come before my kids
Because I'm a mature adult
And they are me and I am them
And this will always be
And this doesn't mean I don't care for you
You need to respect who I am
And what I aspire to be
I will always give you consideration of your time as well
I ask you this
Can we from here on in agree that our relationship is a no judgement zone
You are free to be 100% you
All the odd things we both will do
You washing the car every Sunday might
Drive me insane or hogging all the covers
Not taking into consideration I might be
Cold at night
These are things that are sure to surface
My corky ways, your anal stuff, your schedule, how we joke around, are funny,
Generous, affectionate and the wonderful things we do or we are.
Please don't ever hold back
Even a bit
Even when you think I'll be offended
Or that I will judge you
I will tell you this
You will be judged if you cross boundary lines, these shenanigans will no longer be tolerated with me
If you need to offend me or hurt me
Say your peace and we shall part ways
Don't ever think your getting me back if
You crossed me or wronged me
Your no longer worthy of me
If we are going to do this
Things will happen
We are not perfect
But if you TRUELY love me
No one, no matter what
Can come between us!
On that note
Because we are not perfect
And it's not normal not to fight
Whoever made that one up
Is an idiot !!!
And Doctor Spock was all wrong!!
His son committed suicide
It's suicide for a relationship to be
When we are not perfect
I still expect us to care for each other
Thoughtless words will be said
The bathroom will become dirty
I will eat a bag of pretzels
Or you will
I don't eat that much
But when this happens
Lets pause, breathe
Address the issue w/out judgement
And lets talk
It comes down to what we will tolerate
And if you really love someone
Don't make me waste my time or yours
I did that
A time taken away from me
We are not going to be perfect
If you think we will
Keep it moving
I'm not the girl for you!!!
My temper is like a thunderstorm
Usually short, comes on quick and leaves
Behind some wickedness, known to cause
But if you love me, we will get past it
We accept each other
There will be no stonewalling each other
Give space, love and don't fight dirty
Don't feed me any bullcrap about finding something better!
Every day as I stand behind my chair cutting hair I could easily replace you with something better if I soo choose to!
That gorgeous CEO who's always asking me out, the guy that has more money than you, a fabulous education, culture, diversity, worldliness.
Always ignored, because I only want you
No one could replace you....
I don't care about his money, his position, his looks I just want to be with you
I know I will be able to say "no thanks"
I have everything I need in my man and no one can come between us
3's a crowd in any relationship !!!
I want you to think
I'm beautifully flawed & hopelessly whimsical
Lets just be together
I will make you muffins
sit by your bonfire always marveled how you built a fire and knowing I could never
I will LUV you for your mind
I've had shallow, no substance
It was horrible!
I will cherish your humor, your wit, your swag, your down to earth happiness
Then I will go off into my own little world, with your presence somewhere near by
As we sit in the same room but in two different mind sets
I will know we are able to be
But be separate
You will tend to your kids needs, possibly
Helping them with a report, college stuff
I might write, read, help my kids as well
Maybe we will be quiet, but content
Later as we walk downtown and enjoy a drink and chat about our life in our high school, friends we have in common, our jobs, the city, Our time in Europe, our dreams, where we want to travel to,
Because you know we can talk about anything. Our own little world.
We will eventually walk home, touching hands occasionally because I'm fiercely
Independent and use to being alone. We will eventually be intimate, bonding us together, two people that just can't get enough of each other.
As we lay on the couch, I in your arms all
Snug and warm. You will fall fast asleep as I hear the tv playing a movie in the background I will watch you sleep and
Breath and marvel at how lucky I was to finally find someone like you.
If you don't mind, all I want to be is silly, happy. Can we just explore the world, and each other without judgement
I'm not looking for perfect, I'm looking for someone who is perfect for me.
Can we just explore the the world, each other, the city, can we make pasta and cookies and memories and love and a life that is full for us. Or a whole lot of I'm not sure yets.....
All I know it's taken me a long time to get to this place..... I'm ready to find out.