Tuesday, March 25, 2014


I no longer like to fall in love
I have a trust issue 

I'm not here to fix anyone
And I don't want to be your mommy!
I'm not even here to figure you out

If you need to be figured out, chased or fixed
Or need someone to perfect your business 
I'm not your girl
You should have a brain to figure it out yourself....
I have to!
I wish you all the best, but simply cannot be involved---- I don't have the time, the energy or the inclination 
Your a big boy and getting too old for this
Grow up!!
I am older, wiser, seasoned
When you cross the right of passage bridge you no longer entertain the BS
 I will tell you to keep it moving if I see any 
"Red Flags"

I need to know you are capable and willing 
To fill in your own without looking to me, 
Alcohol, sex, porn, sports, gambling, flirting or any outside things to boost your damaged ego, low self-esteem

This isn't high school and we are not 16
So if you need to cheat, lie, just cause chaos keep it moving

Because I just don't need to entertain you
And your immature mind

It all just comes from a place within ourselves

How hard is it?!
To come together
Be mature
Learn to deeply  love each other??!!

Please remember, I need alone time
I'm fiercely independent 
Have spent a lot of time alone after my divorce
Alone on that park bench in Battery Park City crying, dreaming, thinking, vegging
Trying to figure it all out

I need alone time
To read, go to the gym, do yoga, be with my kids, write, be with my friends

I don't feel it's good to be glued at the hips
There will be some days I will need more time away from you or less time, maybe if you really capture my heart I won't need any..... But then consider yourself lucky 

Please remember this doesn't mean your not important to me or your annoying me, it's just that I've taken the last few years working on improving me, my heart, my soul. Taking the horribleness of all the insanity projected unto  me by complete 
Idiots, people with nooo substance only egos, worried only about their "Image" 
Pathetic humans, conniving, misconstruing, not caring about anyone else but themselves. 

I don't get starry eyed anymore and fall quickly 
I'm not 16 and this isn't high school
You won't come before my kids
Because I'm a mature adult
And they are me and I am them 
And this will always be

And this doesn't mean I don't care for you
You need to respect who I am
And what I aspire to be

I will always give you consideration of your time as well

I ask you this
Can we from here on in agree that our relationship is a no judgement zone 
You are free to be 100% you

All the odd things we both will do
You washing the car every Sunday might 
Drive me insane or hogging all the covers 
Not taking into consideration I might be 
Cold at night

These are things that are sure to surface

My corky ways, your anal stuff, your schedule, how we joke around, are funny, 
Generous, affectionate and the wonderful things we do or we are. 

Please don't ever hold back
Even a bit
Even when you think I'll be offended
Or that I will judge you 

I will tell you this
You will be judged if you cross boundary lines, these shenanigans will no longer be tolerated with me 

If you need to offend me or hurt me
Say your peace and we shall part ways
Don't ever think your getting me back if 
You crossed me or wronged me 
Your no longer worthy of me

If we are going to do this
Things will happen
We are not perfect

But if you TRUELY love me
No one, no matter what 
No one 
Can come between us!

On that note
Lets fight
Because we are not perfect
And it's not normal not to fight
Whoever made that one up
Is an idiot !!!
And Doctor Spock was all wrong!!
His son committed suicide
It's suicide for a relationship to be 

When we are not perfect
I still expect us to care for each other 

Thoughtless words will be said
The bathroom will become dirty
I will eat a bag of pretzels 
Or you will
I don't eat that much
But when this happens 
Lets pause, breathe
Address the issue w/out judgement 
And lets talk

It comes down to what we will tolerate
And if you really love someone 
Don't make me waste my time or yours 
I did that
It's horrible
A time taken away from me
Sooo selfishly 

We are not going to be perfect
If you think we will 
Keep it moving
I'm not the girl for you!!!

My temper is like a thunderstorm 
Usually short, comes on quick and leaves 
Behind some wickedness, known to cause 
But if you love me, we will get past it
We accept each other 

There will be no stonewalling each other
Give space, love and don't fight dirty

Don't feed me any bullcrap about finding something better!
Every day as I stand behind my chair cutting hair I could easily replace you with something better if I soo choose to!
That gorgeous CEO who's always asking me out, the guy that has more money than you, a fabulous education, culture, diversity, worldliness. 

Always ignored, because I only want you 
No one could replace you....
I don't care about his money, his position, his looks I just want to be with you 

I know I will be able to say "no thanks"
I have everything I need in my man and no one can come between us 
3's a crowd in any relationship !!!

I want you to think
I'm beautifully flawed & hopelessly whimsical

Lets just be together
I will make you muffins 
Dinner in 
sit by your bonfire always marveled how you built a fire and knowing I could never 
Do this
I will LUV you for your mind
I've had shallow, no substance
It was horrible!
I will cherish your humor, your wit, your swag, your down to earth happiness

Then I will go off into my own little world, with your presence somewhere near by
As we sit in the same room but in two different mind sets 
I will know we are able to be
But be separate 
You will tend to your kids needs, possibly 
Helping them with a report, college stuff
I might write, read, help my kids as well

Maybe we will be quiet, but content
Later as we walk downtown and enjoy a drink and chat about our life in our high school, friends we have in common, our jobs, the city, Our time in Europe, our dreams, where we want to travel to, 
Because you know we can talk about anything. Our own little world. 

We will eventually walk home, touching hands occasionally because I'm fiercely 
Independent and use to being alone. We will eventually be intimate, bonding us together, two people that just can't get enough of each other. 

As we lay on the couch, I in your arms all 
Snug and warm. You will fall fast asleep as I hear the tv playing a movie in the background I will watch you sleep and 
Breath and marvel at how lucky I was to finally find someone like you. 

If you don't mind, all I want to be is silly, happy. Can we just explore the world, and each other without judgement 
I'm not looking for perfect, I'm looking for someone who is perfect for me. 

Can we just explore the the world, each other, the city, can we make pasta and cookies and memories and love and a life that is full for us. Or a whole lot of I'm not sure yets.....

All I know it's taken me a long time to get to this place..... I'm ready to find out. 

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